I watched a few hundred policemen run down my street chasing maybe 150 young men and women, cowering from tear gas. Another usual day in Turkey? In this fascist police-state of ours, cops are nothing but a threat. I do not know a single person who trusts them. Most people don't go to them for help when necessary, as there is always a possibility they will charge you with something and you'll end up worse than when you came for them.
I am not for organized struggle... Maybe it's cowardice but crowds do not make me feel empowered or liberated. I try to stick to my political principles in my own sphere. With my daughter, my wife, my friends. I am not sure that the people in the crowds are practicing what they may be preaching, my choice is to try to do that in my daily life, hoping I may change things bit by very small bit.
However, there is no justification for what happened here today. No one should be chased down a street by robocops with shotguns. I am at a loss for words... Really.
I had the urge to document the whole thing by going out with a camera; then looked at my wife and child. They weren't pleased with my idea, needless to say. Especially not after we had to close the window to block the tear gas. Not sure what to do, I suddenly remembered a whole list of chores I had to do with state offices and grandparents, and knowing most people are staying at home, minding their business, I took this as an opportunity to handle stuff in an Istanbul without traffic.
Am I a coward? Perhaps, but when I saw my centenarian grandfather's face light up when I came to surprise him, I really wondered if I had paid some sort of dues to somewhere, I don't know where though... joy is so short lived and so infrequent in this world; it s a shame what we have created in the name of civilization. Or maybe Buddha and Schopenhauer and Jesus Christ were right. Maybe one has to recognize that all is suffering, in order to know non-suffering. Maybe when thinking of the suffering of the masses, one should look at a babies' face for momentary relief. Not for forgetting the former, but to re-kindle the hope that humans are, in the end, incredibly beautiful creatures, and can do beautiful things for the world. Like Bukowski, I can easily stay away from individual humans for days on end but am terribly in love with the race. Humans are hideously mesmerizing, like Kafka's giant bug. Disgust and awe in one. Desperation and hope at the same time. Sorrow and infinite love bundled in the same experience. One can go on with these binaries. Maybe the Tao is silent and noisy as well.
At moments like these I also like to daydream about my imaginary anarchist commune where money doesn't exist, where we are off the grid and self-sufficient, where all are truly equal and eventually I move to fantasies in having the farmers nearby our commune start trading with us without money and how we might spread a different understanding of life, bit by little bit. Not impossible I think, in fact more probable than overthrowing the state. Power corrupts, no matter who is involved with it. No masters no slaves, no representatives, i don't trust anyone who professes to help me through politics. As Jack Nicholson says to the Martians in Mars Attacks: "Why can't we all just get along?" Then ZAPPP!:)
Today's attack was no surprise to anyone. However, i think it really showed how the present administration is full of fools. Again, I'm sorry and feel shame.
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